1. A happy family are having an issue, and decide to take their four year old to the shrink.
– How can I help you, lovely family?
– Well, this is Tom, our four year old, and since 6 months he has developed a serious pathology. We need your help desperately.
– I hope I can help you with this. What kind of “pathology ” has little Tom developed?
– Paper planes addiction.
– Eeeerrrrr….. I see. I understand your neighbours downstairs must be very upset, having to clean the rubbish everyday….
– It’s the opposite! Our neighbours are delighted!!! It’s us who are broke!
– I don’t get it…
– Tom collects all the cash notes he finds around the flat and then turns them into paper planes!!!
2. A female school has been getting a number of absences from the pupils with “gynaecologist notes “.
So the head mistress is very intrigued and decides to go to see the gynaecologist herself.
As she walks into the surgery, she meets a 200 kilos charming doctor, and bowls of sweets, cakes and chocolate all around the premises.
– Doctor, I am very concerned about your practices. All our school girls are coming to visit you and missing valuable hours of core learning. Most of them are virgins and I am going to report you to the police if you don’t give me an explanation straightaway.
After a brief period of silence, the physician breaks into tears:
– I miss sugar so much. You see, I am a dangerously obese man and I never even examine these girls. My doctor has put me on a strict diet, and I just get such a kick from seeing young women gobble all those cakes, sweets and chocolates…. because I can’t enjoy any of that myself!!!
3. A gentleman goes to the pet shop.
– Good morning, I bought this dog nine months ago, and you said he was affectionate, considerate, and caring. This is not the case. I’d like my money back, please.
-Could you explain further, please?
– Well, I go to work each morning, and during the day I send him him about three emails.. AND HE HASN’T EVEN REPLIED TO A SINGLE ONE OF THEM IN NINE MONTHS!!!
4. Two old friends meet after 42 years.
– So you say you’re happily married to John?
– I’d love to meet him. Where is he?
– He’s gone out to buy some cigarettes.
After two hours, John’s still not back.
– John is taking long! When did he leave the house to go buy some cigarettes?
– Well… errr … twenty eight years ago!
5. A young lady walks inside a police station appearing nervous.
– How can we help you?
– I have been raped by superman!!
– Oh, you’re lucky, tell us your beauty secrets then…
6. A girl asks her boyfriend,
– Dan, how much do you love me?
– I love you like Hell…
– Prove it to me!
– Listen, I love you so much I wish you had a twin sister!
Thanks for dropping by!
Have a great day…