I’m as gorgeous as you want me to be…

A couple of Jokes to enjoy a snoozing proof weekend..

1. What do modern cannibals enjoy the most for dinner?
– obese AIs in barbecue sauce!

2. A new cook is enjoying success after the guests can’t stop praising her skills.
She decides to listen a little behind the door for an extra ego boost.
– If this young lady’s food so succulent, says one, just think about how good she would taste with parmesan cheese!
The cook storms into the dining room and says,
– Sorry guys, I’m allergic to parmesan cheese….

3. A man walks into a pet store and asks to be shown the ugliest dog.
– We’re sorry, Sir, we don’t do ugly dogs here… but we’d be very happy to offer you a pig?
– What you on about, pigs don’t understand insults!!!

4. Yet another angry pet store customer brings in his puppy. The puppy looks very happy, unlike his owner.
– Ma’am, I am very disappointed with this dog, he only eats cash notes! I’m already broke after feeding him all my savings for two weeks, and I’m scared I’ll lose my flat.
– That’s not a problem! Just feed him with a currency with very high inflation like Bolivar. Should be cheaper to you!

5. Tracey… look at me! I’ve lost 2 stones with the help of a diet based on chocolate and beer!
– Hey, that’s amazing, could you give me your dietician’s cell number please?
– No, I can’t, he’s serving a long prison sentence for stealing classified diets and selling them!

The End.

Please Share and enjoy your well deserved… or not so well deserved Weekend!!! xxx

For further Jokes, please click here.

The Snail and the Bat

It was a stormy midnight near the palace.

The Bat was really enjoying the shower of vicious-like rain and looking for company. As he was flying near the hill, he thought he could remotely hear something crying.

It was a snail.

“Help, help, somebody help me!” The snail was drowning inside the puddle.

 

“This will make a nice dinner for me!” Thought the Bat.

 

“I’ve got you Snail, you’re safe now!” The Snail cried in relief by the puddle and said

 

“You saved my life! I shall be your very best friend from today! ”

The Bat’s heart looped at these words and he changed his mind about having the Snail for dinner.

 

“Do you need anything else, Snail?”

“Yes, please!  Can you get me a teddy-bat to play with?” Answered the baby snail.

 

So the bat flew back to his cave to get the toy and the rain stopped.

 

After three days of sunny weather the Bat was flying around the Palace and he caught a glimpse of the teddy-bat inside the fountain. It was the toy he has given to the Snail.

He went out to find his snail-friend.

“Why did you leave the present I gave you?”

The Snail looked down and said

“Because since I got the teddy-bat the rest of the snails are jealous and they won’t talk to me!”

 

Suddenly, a storm broke out again and the Bat and the Snail quickly took shelter.

 

“I’m sure we can fix your problem, said the Bat. Lets go and find your friends”

Both flew off under the rain seeking for the other snails, but they couldn’t find them. The Snail started to worry.

“They’re all in trouble, if you are looking for the snails, said the Spider who had heard them, outside the Stable! ”

 

“Come and show us, said the Bat!” All three friends flew clinged to each other towards the Stable and found six snails caught in a puddle.

The Baby Snail thought quick and said

“Spider, make a net as fast as you can and we will tie the teddy-bat to the end and throw it to get them out, safely!”

“Brilliant idea”,  said the Bat.

Once all creatures were safe by the Stable the Bat asked the snails,

“WHY have you been ignoring my snail friend? ”

“Because he won’t share the teddy-bat with us!”

“Baby Snail, said the Bat, friends are more important than toys. ”

“I know, I have realised this now. Why don’t you go get us six more teddy-bats and we can all learn how to swim?”

 

“Excellent idea!” Said the Snails,  the Bat and the Spider.

So the sun came out again and all the snails played happily in the water as the Bat and the Snail watched from a branch.

The End.