The Exciting Life Of A Chewing Gum.

I was indeed manufactured as a Lucky chewing gum: what was my joy, after six months waiting on top of a shelf at a candy shop, when a young mother chose me for her six year old Becky to be part of her birthday party?

Becky handed me straightaway to a boy called Lee, a jolly naughty boy who unwrapped me unpatiently in laughter, and gave birth to a life of adventures, joys and mischief.

That party was one of those parties. Whistles blowing, kids shouting, there was even a clown to entertain us all, and an African orchestra.

Lucky was I that Lee didn’t speak foul language, and soon a sweet and sour lollipop, whom I fell in love with, joined us. But she was soon melted! Her taste blended with me though, and to this day I carry her inside my heart.

Half way through the party, Becky’s dad came back a little drunk, and as Lee wanted to eat chocolate cake after the seven candles were put out, I had been dumped into a clean ashtray, from which the cheeky father picked me up and put me into his mouth just to mask the alcohol smell and not be caught by his wife. The trick worked. This was the last time I saw Lee, and I did feel like an orphan. I wished him the best!

That night Becky’s dad didn’t let me rest at all. He went to sleep with me up his mouth and I thought I was going to perish from exhaustion. I felt like sticking myself up his throat to choke him!

When he woke up the bailiffs came knocking onto the door, for he gad not paid an expensive hotel bill which he used with his mistress, and along came the police to bring him into a cell. The monkey was still chewing me.

Once in prison, I was exchanged with an inmate for a cigarette. This inmate was a bank robber and chewing gums were not permitted on the premises.

I loved this inmate. He was cracking jokes all the time, singing nursery rhymes and letting me rest at night and during mealtimes.

But soon the bank robber was released and went back home to his mother’s. His mum used me to stick a postcard of Paris onto her fridge, since she had no magnets left, and there I stayed nine months, hearing the bank robber plan his demises, and the poor mother trying to talk him out of all that.

I started to get scared, I thought I’d stay there for life, so I effortly detached myself and down came the postcard, which was a beautiful love postcard, and me at the back of it, over the floor.

The cleaner loved the postcard and took us to her home, where her three year old picked me up and stuck me onto his Teddy bear’s nose which was broken.

From that day I have become a stone.I am a Teddy bear’s new nose, I live in a loving family’s house, I still taste sweet and sour with a glimpse of alcohol from Becky’s dad mouth, and I know I will never be shoved into a garbage. Lucky me!

The Teddy bear’ s name is Rocky, he loves to play in the garden with the kid and is very pleased to have me as a replacement nose.

Never in my life did I think I would end up being s Teddy bear ‘s nose, but I am happy this way. I won’t be chewed til I get cramps, I won’t listen to foul language, and I get to see a kid grow up happily!

The End.

The Toughest Boxer’s Secret.

Dan was only 11 when his professional diplomats family moved to the African capital.

It was going to be a six year shift and it took him only 3 days to love it there, just like his little sister Dora: their mum had signed them both up for boxing classes in the most dangerous neighbourhood of the city.

Dora and Dan had been listening behind the door to all their parent’s discussion about what afterschool activity their kids should do.

They didn’t want their kids to grow up inside a golden bubble- so they had finally agreed about the boxing.

Dan and Dora were of an age when school was wartime torture, playgrounds the climax and going back home at night where mum and dad were always entertaining guests a mild bore.

But Dan had a problem which he didn’t know would last him for years to come- he wetted his bed at nighttime.

His mum had discreetly introduced him to endless experts who failed to solve the problem.

” Studying is just a shortcut to life’s delicious desserts” was what the kid’s dad always told them, and this had made them tick, they were happy to finish their homework quick before boxing, just to come back home exhilarated and exhausted after the classes.

Dora didn’t mind Tutu the boxing teacher’s strictness, but Dan wished he could one day grow up and give him a punch in the belly til he wetted himself, for Tutu often made fun of him in front of all the class.

Winnie, the receptionist, loved to wear both Dan and Dora’s jewels while they were training, and always joked about not returning the jems, for they were not allowed to wear jewels while boxing.

The kids mum had instructed them to only use their boxing skills in a life emergency, and to help struggling little boxers to improve their skills, for they were good at it.

But up came the time where Dan started to fancy the girls. He was 13 and 2 years had flown, between the school and boxing routine, learning how to entertain VIPs and travelling around the world first class.

Dan was particularly interested in Lucie, the daughter of the French consular, who dropped by many times and slept over in Dora’s room.

So it was his 14 th birthday. His parents were at a cocktail and let him throw a party. For the first time he drunk beer and danced with Lucie, when she asked him to show her his medals collection in his bedroom.

He was proud. She asked if she could give him one as a souvenir from him, for soon her father would be destined elsewhere, and threw herself onto his bed.

” What is this, a towel under the sheets?”

Dan snatched the silver medal off her little hand and ran out to the boxing club, hurt, filled with shame and almost crying.

He was usually driven there by the chauffeur in their Mercedes, but this time he needed to breathe in and out all the entire spare oxygen that humanity could ever gasp.

Once he got to the club, he was even more struck by the fact the Winnie wasn’t there, he desperately needed to talk to her, let all the pain and shame out, even be cuddled, this young teenager who would grow up to be the craftiest businessman needed a cuddle from Winnie, the 17 year old young receptionist who loved to wear his grandmothers Cross while he was boxing.

Tutu the teacher told Dan to join the class, even if they were all over 21s, and that Winnie should be coming back at some point because she had forgotten her glasses over the desk.

Dan didn’t want to box, but what else could he do? He had already had one lesson that day and felt exhausted, and what was his surprise when he saw Lucie’s cousin there, aged 22, tanned, tattooed and giving him the eye?

” Where have you left my Lucie? Didn’t she give you your first kiss?”

Dan was now furious. Not a furious teenager, but a furious man, who was scorned at and ready to box with his jewels on.

There was a mini tournament, and when it was Dan’s turn to fight Fabien, that idiot, he was going to make a papier mache mask out of his face, even if he’d had to wet himself.

So the fight happened. It was not long, for Winnie had come back for her glasses and was looking through the window, at the class.

” Come out here, golden boy, you ain’t ought to fight these gangster wannabes. What’s the matter, you look furious?”

There was a silence. One of those silences where telepathy seems to occur. It lasted 5 seconds but something magic was born then and there between the two youngsters.

” Here’s a towel, got get a hot shower and we’re going for a walk “.

” No, I got no time to queue for a shower, I need to get home to watch over Dora, there’s many sharks at my home party, and I already missed the birthday cake “.

Winnie and Dan went out under the stars for what was going to be the most life changing conversation in his life.

They talked about everything, growing, moving counties all the time, how Winnie had to drop school to upbring her siblings, how the last war had left a scar forever.

Dan didn’t even realise he was opening up about his bed wetting problem, when Winnie spontaneously said ” yes, my uncle used to have that, after he had swallowed a fish bone and heard his mother shout hysterically ” he’s dead, he’s dead”.

At that moment the young soul had a very vivid memory about getting locked up in an airline toilet cabinet and the Pilot shouting ” open the door or we’ll throw you out of the window” when he was only 4 years old.

This was the main cause of his bedwetting and he was now cured, forever.

He kissed Winnie goodbye, she let him kiss her then said, rather shyly

” I’m married but I liked the kiss. Dont tell anyone! Sleep well, Golden boy. Oh! And you may now train to become a part time junior boxing teacher, Tutu has been considering this over the past month!”

She hugged him tight and walked away briskly.

When Dan got back home the party was almost over, there were fast cars and very old cars too waiting to collect the naughty guests, and he found on his desk a note from Lucie

” Happy Birthday. I won’t say anything about the towel. I’ll runaway from home tomorrow at midnight to see you, with my chauffeur’s help. Good night boxer.”

The End

Jokes. Seriously.

1. A remote village was experiencing a strange phenomena. Many women were being locked up in the local psychiatric ward after claiming the Sheriff’s wife kept a tyrannosaurus in her garden.
One day the tyrannosaurus appears in a straight jacket at the hospital ward.
– You see, Doctor, we were all right! There is a dinosaur in the village! You’ve got to release us all!
– None of that, says the shrink,  this is not a dinosaur, it is the actually the Sheriff himself who has developed bizarre sexual fantasies, and agressively refuses to remove his tyrannosaurus attire!

2. Have you heard about the new genetically modified Brussel sprouts that don’t give you any wind?
– They have a 3 hour span until the expiry date!

3. A ninety year old lady walks into the Chemist and orders a pregnancy test.
– Is it for you, madam?
Asks the chemist.
– Of course it is! Says the old lady with a cheeky smile.
– I would not like to disappoint you, but you can save your money, I can guarantee you you are not pregnant.
– What you on about, you jealous bitch!! If you only knew what an orgy we had with the national football team last night, you’d be cracking in awe…

4. Hi, Johnny! Long time no see… what’s up?
– I got a new parrot three months ago, he’s really funny: drinks whiskey,  smokes cigars and plays poker with me.
-Oh, that’s interesting! Does the parrot go curb crawling with you, too?
– Oh no, I can’t take him to visit the girls, they all say he gives them a very rough time…

5. A young couple goes to the local swimming pool at 4 am.
– Sorry guys,  but the pool opens at 8 am, I can’t let you in. Anyway…. why would anyone want a swim at this time of the morning? Asks the security guard.
– You see, the possibility of getting bitten by a shark really turns on our sex drive!

6. A teenager comes back home one evening with an itch over her ear.
– Mom, a spider has bitten me!
– Oh, sweetheart, what a naughty spider.  What was his name?
– I don’t know his name,  but he gave me 50 Dollars compensation for biting me!

7. Doctor, there’s a funny ghost who haunts my flat and doesn’t let me sleep.
– How is that?
– He spends the night chewing strawberry gum and making bubbles beside my bed.
– I wouldn’t see why you couldn’t sleep anyway…
– Well, I can’t resist the urge of bursting the old man’s bubbles with a needle all night long!

The End.

Thanks for sharing!!!!

I you enjoyed this post, you might love

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Enjoy the party!

The Wine Store Con.

Tim was looking forward to stockpiling on Jack Daniels for the Long Weekend, and he didn’t know whether it was seeing Natalie’s smile at the till, or wasting three full days being drunk, and watching TV- what was he wanted most…

He found Natalie sporting a tracksuit for the first time. She let him skip the queue as usual.

Tim has been an open alcoholic since he divorced 4 years ago, so he had given up hopes on finding a job and paying for all those credit cards. The girl looked happy and sad at the same time.

– You okay Natalie?

– Sure I’m okay, just trying to grow a beard for Monday…take these bags of yours, I packed the best deals for you!

– Only nineteen pounds?

– Yep… you might also want a phone voucher?

– What for? to call my imaginary friends?

– You never know! make up your mind quick Tim, the queue…

– ok then, a voucher please…

The bags weren’t so heavy.

Once he got home, he lit the fire, put on the Friday Comedy Shows, and got a nasty surprise…. orange juice! pomegranate juice! carrot juice! AND NO JACK DANIELS!

Instead, a Yoga Mat and a Beginners Yoga Book… now he couldn’t go back to Natalie’s for it was closing already… what on earth was Natalie on about?

“Hey, this yoga book is really beautiful…. I’ll try these out.. ” he was thinking about how to get Natalie sacked from the store at the beginning, but soon started feeling a compelling Love for her, as his body stretched and the knots up his back loosened….

“Gosh, this is kinda cool…”

After the first Yoga Chapter he sipped half the Carrot Juice and had a lovely warm shower, then forgot to switch off the TV set and fell asleep.

The next morning he had had beautiful dreams, and the letterbox opening brutally woke him up.

Through the letterbox someone had slipped cut out local job adverts from local magazines, like they were especially chosen for him….

He went through them.

He picked a few, and with the credit he had bought the night before he rung up five or six, and by 4 pm he had two interviews.

” oh, Natalie”, he thought to himself.

He couldn’t wait to give her the good news he got a job as a concierge at the main Hotel.

He wasn’t thinking of drinking anymore, only about the yoga and carrot juice. In a way, he was still secretly angry at Natalie.

The week after he thought he’d give himself a good boy whiskey treat and went to Natalie’s. To his surprise, a different girl was serving at the till.

– Do you have Jack Daniels?

– Natalie told me we can’t serve you any alcohol…

– But where is she?

– She took a sabbatical year to go to India and get her Yoga Teachers certificate… if you don’t buy alcohol you can give me your number and she’ll be in touch.

– But I could walk into any other store and buy some!

– Nope, Natalie’s got an eye on you…

– okay then, here’s my number…. and can I have three carrot juices please?

– Sure. it’s only five pounds. She winked at him.

– I hope Natalie gets her certificate soon, so I can teach her some Proper Yoga!!!!

The End.

Thanks for sharing!

Weaving Decadence.

If weaving Beauty, Patterns and Snapshots of the Human Mysterious Soul is her day to day job, once a month…. the Artist needs to blend into the World and touch the Ground.

She knows when her big Night is nearby, since her Studio has become like a Squat and she needs to flee, to compete against the sweet bees for the City’s Nectar.

For the World is jealous of her gift, and keeps nagging her dream job and accusing her from Laziness to being a Parasite.

Off she goes with her biker boots, Chanel Rouge and favourite Leather Bomber Jacket to savour the acidity of the traffic. And yes, she’s going to enjoy her night alone.

Four miles she walks under the reckless rain, no umbrella, no lady bag, letting the tides of savageness take her back and forth to the darkest and most prohibited places of the City.

Time has not a Clock here. The raindrops mark the accelerating Rythm of mediocrity.

Mediocrity that pays for her Bills.

In awe, she watches the languishing souls, hungry for the beauty and passion she delivers everyday.

Some stare at her, some try and kick her, but like a ballerina, she keeps pure and uncontaminated by the city’s dirt.

Jettons placed and jokes exchanged, she has captured the Devils work. She is so grateful she has never asked him a single favour.

Before she realises, she is home, and has no idea where all this cash in her purse came from…. yet she is delighted with it.

Her cat stares at her and is wondering when dinner shall be served to him!

She looks around- needs to do her monthly cleaning and start her new sketches.

She has taken revenge over this aggressive World, and she knows, no matter what, her innocence shall never be snatched again.

Slipping into her Hello Kitty pijamas, she cannot see her reflection in the mirror for she had 3 beers, and drops to sleep excited about the happy ending nightmares she is to experience.

Images of pedestrians crossing the road in the red lights start flashing by, and her new garments await for the next escapade.

The Artist is fed with Decadence, to process and feed the masses…. who pay for the cats food and biker boots.

The End.

Ladies Singing In The Rain!

Very bad Joke....terrible!
Not worth reading, hehe he...

– Why did Adam punch little holes on to his Umbrella?

To not upset the Rain!!!!

Ha, Ha, Hahaha, Hahaha!!!!!

Good Luck Scarabs are Here….!

please Share!!!!

Dance in your Mind whilst Asleep…

AuburnCopyright2021

AIs remain untalented….

Based on a true story.

Bloggers will be Bloggeresses…..

AND….

AND…..

I will keep my Spa as a secret….well, one of the many Spa secrets we Bloggers like to crash in….!!!!

This is One of our Team’s!!!!

Enjoy reading, sharing, and do contact me for any advice….ill reply once back from Holidays…. I’ll try to promise this!!!

Stay friendly…

AUBURN!!!!

Happiness…? My Definition.

Me and jesusito…

A lady on a plane once told me Hapiness doesn’t exist, its just moments….

Geology lovers like myself…

Some say its making new friends!!!

The American Dream is sill alive…

But I say happiness is letting a child be a child,

Just as my mummy always does, and my daddy too,

My naughty baby book written decades ago…

Never swear and never give up your dreams….

DON’T FORGET TO FOLLOW THIS BLOG, ITS JUST A CLICK AWAY!!!

The End.

Enjoy your summer, and remember, your next best friend might just be a few yards from you… right now…!

SELF PORTAIT…HE,HE..HEEE!!!

Now That’s the end of the story…. tomorrow or after after tomorrow more…..!!!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Books-Sandra-Zouak/s?rh=n%3A266239%2Cp_27%3ASandra+Zouak

Sorry, its not the end yet… 44 was the year I refreshed my German with gern vergnugen…. Happy 45 to myself!!

Thanks to all the Angellas and Angelitos in the World….. And Beyond…. To Be Continued…..

Born Ginger …… Always a Ginger… We bring Good Luck according to popular belief….

REMEMBER: WE ALL HAVE THE RIGHT TO OUR OWN BELIEFS!!

Sweet rockabybabies to all mothers…Good Night!

The End for now…..

sandra xxx.

Thanks for all you explosively kind wishes!!! and I wish I could reply to each and everyone of you… Good Morning!!!

The Compulsive Guiney Pig…

You see her around

Sometimes talking to herself…

Others up in the Clouds.

…….She loves taking her pills….

Her voice echoes up and down;

Is she happy today…. furious, or just…

Playing the Clown???

……..She loves skipping her pills.….

For only She knows what she’s doing:

Yes she’s half-free,

Like a bird or even a fairy!

……..Is she in love with that Shrink….Or just acting Silly in Town?...

The End.

Thanks for sharing!

More Humor here

Mustard Shampoo

20200407_154806

– “Oh no Frances, don’t do that again! It’s only Tuesday…. What time is it?”

– “Early enough, and listen to this, it says Venus is aligning with the Moon today, and small events stemming from Capricorn’s innate daryness  will pamper you with a stream of luxurious payback…. can you translate this?”

– ” It means I need three spoons of sugar in my coffee today, stewardess!”

– “Oh.. I forgot to tell you, yesterday: we’ve run out of coffee.”

– “aarrrggghhhh…. check inside Tommy’s lottery box- if he’s still snoring…. you might find a couple of free coffee samples, as the horoscope suggests…”

– “I’m afraid I can’t, it says here- geminis  need to emphasise on time keeping today, or else  we may have to face self-piling workload.”

– “ok. Don’t forget the Arabica mild roast on your way back.”

– “I’ll write it on my hand. Bye! Don’t fall back asleep lucky capricorn!”

By a chance of luck, as I reach for my phone…. the battery’ s dead. Frances saved me again, because I had set the alarm  buzz for seven am.

Through the window I watch her walk away in a confident hurry, sporting a purple uniform and her favourite yellow crocs.

–  “Frances, I’m not a Capricorn, I’m a Sagittarius!!!” My words are trashed away by the noisy rubbish truck.

*          *          *

The boss has given us an extra lunch half hour, and once again the receptionist wants me to take her sample-hunting.

– “Let’s have lunch first, I suggest, there’s no queueing at the food stall right now. They said there might be a storm.”

– “What, is that what Francesca read on today’s horoscope?”

– “Don’t be jealous of her. She’s had it hard.”

– “And so have we all. Three samples for me and only one for her!”

– “Hot dogs?”, Asks the food stall lady.

– “Two for me with no ketchup, loads of mustard,  extra napkins and chopsticks please!” Anita’s not pulling her leg.

– “That will be eight pounds fifty, just eight pounds for you.”

– “I ‘ve not got enough coins…. so: Same order please,  but without the hotdogs!”

–  “Ummm… One seventy five, two seventy five, three pounds for you! And a hotdog on the house!”

– “Same for me please.”

– “Look, there’s a new bench there. Quick, grab it girl!”

I hesitate to ask then brave the question:

– “Anita, can I enquire…. why won’t you eat without chopsticks?”

– “They make me feel slender. That’s it.”

– “Oh, must be a precious feeling for a millennial female.”

– “Ok,  Capricorn! it’s beauty goodies time!”

– “But you only had mustard for lunch!”

– “Yes, I needed to make up for the free granola bars they were handing out at the station. Here, I took a couple for your pretty Frances.”

– “Thanks. We ve got twelve minutes left. Put some lipstick on, off we go on a lucky errand….. hey, I said lipstick, not Mustard!”

*          *          *

Anita was sniffing all the new shampoo and conditioner cute bottles, not lending an ear to me.

– “Do you do Mustard shampoo, Madame?”

– “Mustard shampoo? Not as far as I know. But our latest cinnamon edition shampoo and conditioner in one is your closest bet. Let me ask my supervisor anyway.”

Leaving all the bottle lids halfway screwed, Anita looks high on exotic essences.

– “Please Sir, could you be kind enough to fill in our creative suggestion form, and very importantly, your email address, because we are treating you with this season’s sample case.”

–  “But we’re late to work…”

– “No worries – I can quickly  fill it in for you,  because I am impressed with the beautiful shine on your girlfriends hair.”

– “Don’t misspell your email address again!” Anita the spoiler sometimes behaves like she’s my girlfriend.

Mission exceeded, we two colleagues are pleasantly excited  by what items we got inside the gift bags.

We hear a thunderbolt.

It’s raining so heavily we have to stay under the porch, dodging the upset bargain shoppers who only want a square inch of shelter.

The rain grows thicker and cooler. I’ll never forget the next five minutes, when Anita opens the coconut shampoo and the small crowd of shoppers instantly start querring about the product.

Anita wants the stage, and she starts foaming her hair under the storm.

I think they gave us an aphrodisiac instead of shampoo. Passers try and take pictures… but the rain’s too thick.

I cannot recall a sexier scene than my very professional receptionist washing her locks under the violent spring shower. I want to ask her what her sign on the horoscope is.

Anita needs not to feel jealous about any single millennial or trillinial chick. The girls got it.

Before the rain recedes the receptionist’s head is wrapped in a newspaper.

A rain scent still lingers on her- even today,  as all customers keep boomeranging back to our shop.

*           *          *

On my way back after work, I don’t bother to collect free papers to cut out the horoscope for Frances, as I’ve been fed up of doing for the past couple of years. All I can think of is brushing with Anita’s hair. I forget to pop into the supermarket to get a coffee jar for the flat. I even forgot Frances’ gift bag!

*         *          *

The flat door is unlocked and I am hoping it’s not  some burglars coming to steal toilet rolls. There’s sachets of mustard over the kitchen table. Frances treating my Anita again as a gesture of fair competition.

– “Thanks, Frances! Frances, you in?”

She sneaks out from Tommy’s bedroom. I pretend not to notice. The keetle beeps.

– “Who got the coffee?”

– “Tommy won a tenner on the Lotto! Says Frances, bottoming her uniform.

– “Well done.  Can I keep the change?”

The evening is light as usual,  lifting the work fatigue just when it’s time to sleep.

I could have guessed! These geesas  are a couple! No wonder they don’t mind me being three months behind the rent…

What other stuff is to be discovered this week? Do I have to peep on one of Frances’ horoscopes to find out?

*          *          *

Two weeks later, and as I am still scratching the love bite, a couple of emails come in at once.

One from the landlord, and one from the beauty store. Bad news is landlord going on a gap year so wants one years rent ahead, good news is we won the two shampoo recipe contests. I only submitted one- shampoo with rainwater…

Over the phone, Anita can’t believe her luck, and starts laughing and laughing,

– “I made up a mustard shampoo formula, just as a joke….. I didn’t even test it…. can’t believe we won the grand, plus the lifetime supply of beauty products!”

Well, it’s all typed somewhere in cyberspace. As for me I need to find a new room. The grand comes in handy.

– “You moving out with Frances?”

– “Nope!”

– “Then come to my block! there’s a free room on the second floor sharing with some dictionary animals…. sure they ‘ll love the mustard shampoo….”

– “Thanks.  I ‘ll check the horoscope and get back to you.”

– “No probs, Capricorn! I’ll be practising on a new sardines moisturising cream formula as a good bye prank to Frances – while you make up your mind…… gosh you really got me into this.”

– “Just to remind you girls once again, I am not a Capricorn, but the lucky Sagittarius…”

The End

Keep the competition happy!

Based on a True Story.