1. A remote village was experiencing a strange phenomena. Many women were being locked up in the local psychiatric ward after claiming the Sheriff’s wife kept a tyrannosaurus in her garden.
One day the tyrannosaurus appears in a straight jacket at the hospital ward.
– You see, Doctor, we were all right! There is a dinosaur in the village! You’ve got to release us all!
– None of that, says the shrink, this is not a dinosaur, it is the actually the Sheriff himself who has developed bizarre sexual fantasies, and agressively refuses to remove his tyrannosaurus attire!
2. Have you heard about the new genetically modified Brussel sprouts that don’t give you any wind?
– They have a 3 hour span until the expiry date!
3. A ninety year old lady walks into the Chemist and orders a pregnancy test.
– Is it for you, madam?
Asks the chemist.
– Of course it is! Says the old lady with a cheeky smile.
– I would not like to disappoint you, but you can save your money, I can guarantee you you are not pregnant.
– What you on about, you jealous bitch!! If you only knew what an orgy we had with the national football team last night, you’d be cracking in awe…
4. Hi, Johnny! Long time no see… what’s up?
– I got a new parrot three months ago, he’s really funny: drinks whiskey, smokes cigars and plays poker with me.
-Oh, that’s interesting! Does the parrot go curb crawling with you, too?
– Oh no, I can’t take him to visit the girls, they all say he gives them a very rough time…
5. A young couple goes to the local swimming pool at 4 am.
– Sorry guys, but the pool opens at 8 am, I can’t let you in. Anyway…. why would anyone want a swim at this time of the morning? Asks the security guard.
– You see, the possibility of getting bitten by a shark really turns on our sex drive!
6. A teenager comes back home one evening with an itch over her ear.
– Mom, a spider has bitten me!
– Oh, sweetheart, what a naughty spider. What was his name?
– I don’t know his name, but he gave me 50 Dollars compensation for biting me!
7. Doctor, there’s a funny ghost who haunts my flat and doesn’t let me sleep.
– How is that?
– He spends the night chewing strawberry gum and making bubbles beside my bed.
– I wouldn’t see why you couldn’t sleep anyway…
– Well, I can’t resist the urge of bursting the old man’s bubbles with a needle all night long!
Thanks for sharing!!!!