A candidate turns up drunk at the interview.
– I hope you understand we cannot hire people with drinking problems, Miss.
– But I don’t have a drinking problem! …. It’s just that it was stated on your advertisement that your firm values Honesty above all!
* * *
A woman rings up an online shop.
– I’m calling regarding my toothbrush delivery. You have taken the payment from my card, then have sent me a goat instead. I have been left with no toothbrushes for half a week…
– Hold on! You say you don’t have any toothbrushes since three days? Then how on earth have you managed to brush the goat’s teeth?!!
* * *
A lady shows up at an interview sporting three-inch-long nails.
Besides this she does a great interview. Towards the end, she is asked,
The role involves a lot of typing. Would it be ok for you to shortern your nails?
– No need for that.
– What do you mean?
– I won four medals in head-butting during my early twenties….
* * *
– Hi Dan? You’re back from your holidays! How did it go?
– It was amazing, despite they warned us about the place being a little polluted.
– So what was so amazing about it?
– Well it rained aftersun gel, you could eat for free from the pavement…. and the drivers didn’t charge for the ride, if you taught them how to say a few words in English!
* * *
A lady experiencing growing concerns about her partner’s faithfullness finds a bunch of roses home when she gets back from the spa.
– Anthonyyyy! What’s all this about? Have you decided to dump your new lover?
– No, we’re celebrating something better. I got a job!
– A job… a job? I see…. how did you manage that?
– I was desperate to work, when I had the idea to join the free ventriloquist course for two months…
– I don’t understand?
– Yes, when today’s bosses were almost done with the interview I said in one of their voices,
”Fantastic! We’re hiring this guy!”
* * *
A couple are queuing at the ATM behind one of those head-turning brunettes. The male hasn’t taken his eyes off her as she takes her time to withdraw what she needs.
A short stroll later, the girlfriend says, I thought you only liked blondes! You were staring at that girl like a hungry animal for three minutes!
– You wrong, he whispers. I was just taking note of her pin number.
– Oh, so Mr Perfect has now flipped into a thieve!
– It’s for your new kitchen.
– For my new kitchen? You are joking, aren’t you?
– Nope. Someone told me, that fit brunette is a great professional cook!
* * *
That’s all for today…. don’t forget to click here for dozens of more Jokes!
Thanks!
Imagination strikes 